


Hold On

by Fcknziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, Insecurity, Make up sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:58:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2121090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fcknziam/pseuds/Fcknziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An insecure Zayn tries to end things, but you just can't quite let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On

You sat in front of him on the bed edge of the bed, him sat in the chair from the desk he had pulled up in front of you. You avoided his eyes, keeping them on your hands you were fiddling with. There was an eerie silence between the two of you after he’d just spent the last five minutes trying to rationalize his action, only to be talking to himself, you were to hurt to listen to any more.  
“Baby, please talk to me. Say something.” You cringed at his use of the word, it didn’t hold the same meaning anymore, it was empty, and it only made you feel worse. Much different than the usual warmth it would bring you, when you’d hear it from him in the early mornings slurred from sleep, or in your most interment moments, as a whispered groan in your ear. You shook your head of the memories, biting down on your lip harder, sure this time drawing blood, to keep your tears in. You waited another few moments, never looking up from your hands, to make sure you’d be able to speak before crying.  
“Why?” you managed to choke out. You heard a sharp intake of breath before he finally answered.  
“You don’t need me.” His voice cracked a little at the end, making you finally look up at him. His chocolate brown eyes, your favorite thing about him, were red and glossy. You could tell he was holding back tears. His explanation didn’t make this any easier. It wasn’t one. It was a cop out.  
“Zayn. What are you -” you snapped a little too harshly, a tear finally breaking free.  
“Me and you, we just aren’t good together. You’re just wasting time on me.” He was struggling to speak, shifting from you to the ground, tugging at his hair. Something he only did when he was lying. He didn’t even believe what he was saying. And that’s what you didn’t understand. If this was so hard for him, then why was he doing it? Why is he putting either of you through this?  
“What are you talking about?” you begged again, tears now blurring your vision. None of it made any sense. How could he ever think he couldn’t make you happy? That’s all he ever did. Was make you happy. You’d never laughed so hard, or smiled so much, he made you forget about everything. You’d never loved anyone before, it was all so new to you and you’d been unsure at first but Zayn made you trust him. He made you trust people again. And now…  
“You were better off before, if I wasn’t around anymore- maybe you can be happy with someone.” He said with a sniffle, trying his hardest no to let the tears you knew were soon to fall, fall, avoiding your gaze.  
You shifted closer to the edge of the bed “Zayn, I’m happy now. I am. I may have pretended to be before I meet you, but I wasn’t. You mean so much to me and I know I do to you and - Look at me, damnit!” you begged trying to dry your face of the now flood of tears that didn’t seem to stop, bringing your face a little closer to his forcing his eyes on your red rimmed ones. You were sounding more desperate than you wanted but that’s exactly what you were. You didn’t know how to stop him from fighting a battle that didn’t exist, or save you from some imaginary monster he thought was him. He looked up at you, biting the inside of your cheek keeping his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together at his lips. This had nothing to do with him not thinking that he could make you happy, maybe it did, but there was more to this than what he was letting on, and that hurt you more than anything.  
“Zayn. What is this about?”  
“I told you. We aren’t good-“  
“Stop.You and I both know that’s bullshit, so don’t even try.” You sniffled taking a pause, wiping the tears you’d been trying to keep from falling. “Why?” you croaked. He waited a moment before he finally spoke, letting tears fall.  
“It’s me. I know I sound like an asshole, but it’s true okay? I can’t make you happy. I’m not good. We fight all the time. And I want to be good for you. I want to be that guy, so badly for you but I can’t, and I don’t know how?” he explain rubbing his eyes, still trying to keep his façade, that none of this was effecting him, like it wasn’t ripping out his heart like it was yours. All you wanted was for him to hold you, for him to wrap you up in his arms, against his chest, peppering kisses to the back of your neck and shoulder, telling you ‘It’s alright’ and ‘Tomorrow is another day.’ All you wanted was for him to stay.  
“Then tell me. Tell me you don’t love me.” You challenged, trying to match his tough act but failing.  
“I can’t do that.” He huffed out shaking his head, turing is lips into a thick line.  
“Why? Your gonna walk away anyway, so tell me.”  
“I can’t.” he said through a crack in his voice  
“Then don’t do this. Zayn please. I’m the happiest I have been in a long time, and if you leave it’s just going to be – don’t do this. I love you so much, and I know you love me. You just have to trust this.” You said reaching out for his hands bringing them to your chest, rubbing circles in the back of your hands with your thumb.  
“If I loved you, than we wouldn’t fight like we do. I wouldn’t make you cry the way I do- I’m not a good guy, I just need to figure my shit out first.”  
“So because we fight you want to throw all of this away? That’s what love is, you fight, and cry, laugh, but you have to fight for it. Like I’m doing now, and I’m not going to let you walk away. Not like this.” You said bringing taking one of his hands in your own, the other caressing his cheek.  
“Why?”  
“Because I love you. And I’m not going to let you ruin this because you think you’re not good enough for me, or because you don’t how happy you make me.” You whispered to him holding his face between your hands.  
He looked up at you with confused yet appreciative eyes, before you brought your lips to his for a much need kiss, you let your lips linger for a bit waiting for him to kiss you back.  
“Kiss me.” You pleaded. All you needed was him. You needed to feel him, and to let him know you weren’t going anywhere, that he meant everything to you. He whimpered into the kiss, gripping the back of your neck deepening the kiss. He lifted himself off the chair a little, inching closer to you, grabbing hold of the small of your back with his other hand, instructing you farther back on the bed, never breaking the kiss.  
“I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m just so – .” He breathed between kisses, making your insides warm.  
“Shhhh…Its okay.” You silence him, tangling yourself further into him.  
You fished your hands up through his hair, giving it a light pull to bring him closer to you, so he was on top of you no longer hovering. You didn’t mind the weight, you loved it. It reminded you that he was there. He kicked off his boots, working his hands up your sides, massaging small circles into your hips, slowly inching your shirt up, you tossing it before his had had a chance to reach you bellybutton. His kiss reaming slow and passionate, his tongue fully exploring his your mouth, tasting all of you. He was going painfully slow. Part of you wanted him to throw you across the bed, ripping off your shirt and taking you like you’d done so many times before, but another part of you, a bigger part knew he needed this. He need to take his time with you, to savor you, knowing that you were actually there with him, not going anywhere. And you need that too.  
His hand slowly, all too slowly began inching closer to the hem of your shorts. Your heart began beating faster, you bit his bottom lip in an attempt to speed his actions. He slowly unbuttoned the denim, before pulling down the zipper, all at an incredibly slow pace, making you squirm under him.  
“Please…” you whined, into his mouth. Somehow he always managed to make you beg.  
He obliged, slipping you shorts off, tossing them to the side, and slowly teasing you with his fingers through your underwear. It wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but it was enough to get you to let out a breathy moan. You brought your hands down from around his neck, and began fumbling at the hem of his shirt, and he obeyed ridding himself of the material. You brought your hands back up around his neck, returning to your kiss. You began playing with the hair at the base of his neck, giving it a tug in hopes of him giving you more, and he did, pressing his fingers slightly rougher against you giving you the friction you’d been craving, and earning a small gasp. You reached your hands down between the two of you, fumbling with his belt, to reach your hand down and begin to palm him through his boxers. He moaned your name into your kiss, moving your panties to the side, to slowly slide in a finger, his thumb still making circles on your clit. You let out a low groan, letting your head fall back on the pillow at the sensation. You tried to stay focused and keep a good pace with your hand, but he was just so good with his fingers….  
He slowly removed his hand from you, hooking his fingers to the side of your underwear and throwing them off the bed, you took the short opportunity, sliding your hand down his boxers, tightening your grip around him slightly, and return to your slow pumping pace, as his lips connected to your neck, taking the skin between his teeth and marking you there.  
“God, I love you so much.” He moans so quietly into your neck, you’re not even sure if it was meant for you to hear.  
Impatient now, you release him from your hand, a protesting groan from him, as you slide down his boxers, him dragging them down the rest of the way. He ripped himself away from your neck for a moment to reach for a small foil packet from his packet from his pocket. He turned back to you giving you a slow passionate kiss, before looking back down at the packet fumbling with it, but you stopped him.  
“No, let me.” You whisper, slightly out of breath from the kiss. You take the small packet from him leaning up on your elbows instructing him to lie back on the bed. He lays back, one hand behind his head the other, caressing your cheek, bringing you in for a short kiss. You maneuvered your way onto your knees, straddling him before shimming down his body, between his slightly parted legs as you lined up your full lip with his length. His curious eyes become hooded with lust as you place a small kiss on the tip. You slowly take him in your hand giving two good pumps before licking the underside of him from the base to the tip, again placing a soft kiss there. You look up at him once more, before slowly taking him in your mouth, watching as his eyes screw shut, and head falls back on the pillow behind him. You start a steady yet painfully slow pace, bobbing your head up and down, his fingers finding their way tangled in your hair.  
“(Y/N), oh fuck.” He sighed, taking in sharp breathe.  
You finally take him from your mouth giving the tip one last kiss, leaning back up on your knees, opening the small packet of foil, and rolling the condom down his length. You crept your way up his body, cupping his face in your hands, bringing him in for another kiss. He leaned up slightly as though to flip the two of you over, but as you laid on you back he stayed on his side, you gave him confused eyes.  
“No, baby I want to try something. Get on your side and face me.” He said, arm wrapped over your waist scooting you closer to him, he caressed the back of your thigh and draped your leg over his. “You okay?”  
You gave him a small nod, bringing your arms around his neck, burying your face in his neck, nibbling on the spot you know he likes, waiting in anticipation. He placed a few short kisses to your shoulder, nudging your head with his chin for you to look at him. You looked up at him leaning your forehead against his.  
“I love you so much baby.” He whispered, keeping eye contact, brushing a hair behind your ear.  
“I love you too. So much.” You stuttered back, the anticipation killing you.  
He took himself in his hand, running his length against you a few times before gently sliding into you. Making both of you let out a hot breath, you closing your eyes, Zayn keeping an eye on you watching your face, contort with pleasure.  
“Say it again.” He pleads, tightening his grip around your waist.  
“I lo- I love you so much.” You whined, digging your head back into his neck, gripping into his shoulders. His thrust were slow and deep, and the position was perfect, him hitting your spot every time, and it was so close, so intimate, you felt every part of each other.  
He kept his slow pace, like he’d been all night, making slow determined thrust, every now and then doing the slightest swivel of his hips, making you take in a sharp breathe gripping tighter to his shoulders. But you needed more, so you slowly started grinding your hips with his, letting those dance classes of yours come to use as you rolled into him to gaining more friction, not knowing exactly how much more pleaser it would cause either of you.  
“Shit, baby. I – fuck!” Zayn groaned into your neck, nibbling on your sweet spot.  
He kept his assault on your neck, nibbling and biting, letting out labored breaths against the skin in between, gradually speeding up his pace. He griped onto your hips a little tighter, in an attempt to halt your actions.  
“You’ve got to stop moving or I’m not gonna last much longer.” He groaned through gritted teeth.  
“It’s okay.” You sighed, turning you head to his for a breathy kiss. This was for him, he needed this more than you, and you were gonna make sure that he was taken care of.  
You quickened the circle of your hips, just as he brought a hand down to rub rough circles on your clit, making you moan into the kiss. You dropped your head down to his shoulder, lip between teeth. He gave you two deep thrust, that finally but you over the edge, promises of forever and his name falling from you lips as you stiffened around him. He gave a few more thrust before going rigid letting his head fall into the crook of your neck, holding you closer to him, as you both tried to catch your breath.  
After a few moments he lifted his head, nudging your cheek with his nose, and you turned to him, resting your forehead on his, resting a hand on his rough cheek.He’d still hadn’t fully caught his breath, and you revel in the mixed smell of his spearmint gum and smoke.  
“I love you (Y/N). I’m not going anywhere. Not until you want me to.” He whispered, drawing patters on your hip bone. “I’m gonna be better, you’ve just gotta hold on for me okay?” he asked you with pleading eyes, as if you were someone that needed convincing. “Promise me. That you’ll hold on for me?”  
“Zayn you don’t have to worry about that.” You sigh stroking his cheek.  
“Promise me.” He insist, nervously biting his lip looking you in the eye with determination.  
“I promise.”


End file.
